White Lies,

On my way back home tonight from watching Richie fight I lied, and was lied to; and so I wonder when do you lie?

As I was saying bye to another one of my nephews who is now three, I asked him, what is my name? He responded ‘baby’ (the older family members have nicknamed me that); however he knows my name is Marco, and he sometimes calls me by my name. Therefore I wondered what impelled him to answer me with ‘baby’ at that moment? Whatever the case is, I know that he knows my name, and therefore do I correct him? An innocent lie in the form of need for attention (he is a child).

           

           I did not correct him, and so I continued on home. I stopped at McDonalds just before I got home, to buy 3 dollar-menu items. But as I am walking up from the subway someone approached me asking for money. I did not have any money, and so I walked on (however, the person who was asking for money, seemed familiar to me). As I went inside and as I was about to order, I see the same guy that had asked for money on the subway, inside the McDonalds.

I wonder to myself does he think I lied to him about not having money? I had not.

I did however have a debit card, but only with enough money to get me by through this month. And so as I am waiting to order he approaches me again, and asks this time for a cheeseburger (They are only a dollar). I say sure. He says can you make it 2? I say no. I really do not have any money, what I do have on my debit card will only be enough to get me by this month. ‘See, I am on a fixed income’ but I did not tell him that.

           

             By this time I recognized the face, he is someone I had met before when I was homeless. This happened more than 15 years ago, and throughout those years I have seen him around occasionally, and we even hung out once. However I am sure he does not remember me nor do I tell him who I am. And so once again he asks for something, and says can you change the order to a medium drink. I tell him why don’t you get a large? He says yes.

I know all drinks are a dollar at McDonalds for now. And I know that he does not know that, because of the way he looks, and because it is obvious, that this is not one of the things that he is particularly knowledgeable of, ‘if you know what I mean’? I also know that he takes my offer to a large drink, as an indication of generosity. It is not. It is only an obvious choice that I know he is not aware of.

Nevertheless he continues talking, and starts asking me more questions, he asks if I am married? I say yes. But by this time I have decided to lie because I can see that he does not comprehend my situation. Just as I am sure my nephew did not comprehend his response to me when I asked him my name; he just responded.

My point here is that there are some things that I feel strongly about, and marriage is one of them. Lying to vulnerable people such as the homeless is another, and I was doubly lying here (lying and lying about important issues to me).

The parallels here are that it is sometimes pointless to figure out a child’s actions, as it is trying to figure out a grown man’s chronic situation. However it is not less painful than its situation already makes it;  I know what my nephew is going to go through in his growing pains to try to adapt to some adults around him. I cannot however change that. I lied to the homeless man because he was opening wounds that were beginning to make me feel vulnerable to his pain. I cannot change that. And so I wonder, when do you lie?